Unstable
by JustifyingEvil
Summary: My take on the events after the barn fire in Series 1, Episode 21 Track Record


**I loved the Saddle Club when I was younger, especially Red so this fanfic is about him. Sorry for any mistakes and I don't own the Saddle Club sadly. T for mentions of depression and past self harm.**

Red flung his bag over the fence and proceeded to climb over it. He picked his bag up and put it over his shoulder. The words 'I trusted you Red' and 'I quit' circled around in his head. He was stopped in his tracks by a familiar voice that belonged to Mrs Reg.

"You're really leaving?" She asked sadly

"What choice do I have" Red replied with a sigh

"I know you didn't start that fire Red"

"How do you know?"

"There isn't much I don't see. And you I see a dedicated stable hand who'd rather hurt himself than hurt a horse..."

Red's heart quickened at that statement. Mrs Reg had no idea how true her words were. In the past Red had hurt himself, for a few reasons. Especially when he lost Joker, he indeed blamed himself and if anything had happened to any of the horses today, he would most definitely blame himself and wouldn't hesitate to hurt himself again.

"...And your conscientious" Mrs Reg finished

"But according to max I'm irresponsible. And if he doesn't think the worst of me and bring up a mistake from the past. I can't work here" Red tried not to sound broken and defeated.

Mrs Reg noticed that Red was upset and brought her hand up to his cheek but Red turned away not wanting sympathy. He began walking away, wiping a tear that had fallen. Once again, he was stopped. Red turned to look at who spoke, it was Jake. Red huffed not wanting to talk much with anyone anymore.

"Red, I was thinking I should go with you" Jake started

"What?" Red asked confused and in disbelief.

"You got me this job. I mean you're my mate"

"Jake this has nothing to do with you. Besides you like it here but thanks" Red smiled. He didn't want his friend to feel bad for something that he didn't do. They both shook hands. Red quickly walked away not wanting to get stopped by anyone else. He just wanted to leave.

He began to walk down the driveway with past memories flooding back into his mind, memories he didn't want to remember. His horse, Joker. That horrible night of the fire that happened at Greenwood. He remembered it so clearly but he wished he could forget. Nothing was going to bring Joker back. Red couldn't imagine what would've happened if any of the horses had to be put down, the girls would've been so devastated. He shut his eyes and pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

He was coming to the end of the driveway. He looked up at the sign 'Thank you for riding at Pine Hollow, please come again soon'. This would be the last time he read it.

"Red!"

Red turned around to see Max running after him.

"Wait!"

Red took a deep breath and walked towards Max. They both walked back to the stables in an awkward silence. The entered the lounge where everyone was waiting. Max announced that Jake was leaving, much to Red's surprise. Even more surprisingly, Max apologised to him and asked him to come back. Of course, he agreed and they shook hands.

The rest of the day was spent repairing and cleaning up the hay loft. One by one, people left to head home for the day. Soon enough it was only Max, Mrs Reg and Red were left. Mrs Reg wasn't in the stables. Max was in his office doing some paperwork and Red was doing the last feed of the night. Red stood outside Barq's stable door and gave the horse a small smile. He went into the stall and hung up the hay he had.

Once again Red's mind flooded with terrible thoughts of what could have happened if he hadn't come back when he did. He thought it was about time that Max knew. He opened the stall door and quietly closed it. He headed towards the office where Max was finishing up and getting ready to leave.

Red tapped softly on the door. Max looked up from his desk.

"Um... Max, c-can we talk?" Red said nervously.

Noticing Red was shaky, Max took a calm approach to his question "yes come sit on the sofa"

Red sat on the sofa and Max joined him ready to listen to him for once.

Red took a deep, shaky breath to calm his nerves. He decided to tell him how it was "I have depression. I've had it since I was 12 and it runs in the family. I take medication and have gone to therapy in the past. I'm sorry I haven't told you. I get it if you don't want an unstable stable hand working for you" Red looked away with tears in his eyes and his mind going crazy with irrational thoughts.

Max was taken back by this information about his head stable hand. It took him a while to process everything that had been said. Red meanwhile was trying not to fall apart and refrain himself from bolting out the door.

"There is no need for you to be sorry, Red. I wish you would have said something sooner, like maybe when you first started working here."

Red let out a weak chuckle "I know, I'm really sorry Max, for everything."

Max put his hand on Red's shoulder and smiled at him "I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't hear you out"

"You were angry and any one probably would be after what happened." Red clenched his fists "I wouldn't have forgiven myself if anything had happened to the hordes, or the riders."

"Luckily everyone is alright, thank goodness. No one was seriously hurt and Barq will be fine in a few days" Max made eye contact with Red for the first time since they sat down.

"Like Mrs Reg said before I left, I'd rather hurt myself that a horse" Red said with guilt and shame written all over his face.

The statement Red had just made took Max by surprise and the more he thought about it, the dread sank in "Red, tell me you haven't"

Red looked into Max's eyes and gulped "No I haven't, I'm fine. I have in the past but not recently."

"Did you want to after what happened today" Max had to ask. He needed to know if Red was going to be ok and to make sure that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Red sighed and looked away from Max. "Yeah I wanted to but I knew someone would find out somehow and I couldn't let anyone see what I had done to myself"

"Look at me Red" Max ordered

Red looked back at Max and was met with a sympathetic, caring face. Max wrapped his arms around Red and held him close. After all, he was still a teen, still so young. For Red to feel so utterly worthless and wanting to hurt himself nearly shattered Max's heart. They broke out of their embrace.

"Take tomorrow off Red" Max spoke quietly

"Max I can't, there's so much to do now after the fire and Jake's gone so it will be all hands on deck"

Max smiled "I admire you Red for your commitment to this place, I don't know what I'd do without you. Now go get some rest"

Red nodded and headed for the door.

"Red. Before you go, just remember me and Mrs Reg are always here for you. Whenever you need to talk we'll be there and please, please tell us if you ever feel so down that you might do anything you regret"

"Thanks Max" Red held back the tears threatening to fall again. After Greenwood he never thought he would find anyone who would treat him like a family member ever again but he was wrong. The Regnery's made him feel so welcomed and loved. And with that thought, he went to his room to sleep, ready for tomorrow.


End file.
